Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Items of Contention

A couple of days ago Jason wanted to talk about the itinerary on our wedding day.
Not a problem.
Everything is going well… we’re talking about who will do what and how much time it will take; you know just to get a feel about how the day will flow and how to keep the energy up during the reception in order to provide the maximum entertainment value for our guests.
I have read the Bridal book the Heilpern’s bought under the guise of following etiquette and it has been very educational. I didn’t really pay much attention during my first wedding arrangements because I didn’t have time and nothing happened that I had strong feelings about.
This time I have PLANS….
I actually have a spreadsheet that is helping me keep track of everything from postage to the guest list. Yes I micromanage- I have accepted this and am working on it, in order to keep your head, please just pretend you don’t notice.
Jason has definite ideas on what he wants his wedding to be like; this has created opportunities of disagreement, one of which is “toasting”. (For those concerned we discussed open vs. wedding party/parental toasts and decided the reception toasts will be wedding party/parental only and will provide a time for other family members during the wedding breakfast to discourage rambling and large empty periods of time.)
I feel the toasts should happen right before the cutting of the cake. My reasons are: fresh liquid to be served with food. And it “feels” right (this is my attempt to mesh the two languages- you can see how well it works)
He thinks is should happen after the toast, right before we leave the reception. His reasons are: it is a final good wish to the new couple and “it feels right”. (He was just being difficult here; trying to make sure he had the same number of reason for his way as I did for mine.)
I called my first veto in order to get my way- he vetoed my veto….
I offered to hold a vote between the bridal party and grooms party which he said wouldn’t be fair because mine would side with me just because.
So we added a column to our spreadsheet “items of contention”.
I would appreciate anyone who agrees with me to post comments and who ever doesn’t to just be quietJ.


Mrs. K said...

Here is my 2 cents. :)

Last weekend we attended a wedding and reception. The Maid of Honor (the bride's 9 year old daughter) was very disappointed in the whole toasting event. She had planned a toast, carefully, incorporating the definition of Father, and a few good words to welcome her new step dad to the family. Simon was her Sunday School Teacher last year, and so she had practiced the toast on us- earlier in the reception.

My feeling was that they were saving the toasts for the end. After the cake cutting, the party began to simmer down, many guests left, and there were a few children who were left were dancing. Soon the Bride and Groom were exhausted, and ready to wrap things up, when the realized they hadn't done any of the family photographs. So…up went the lights and out-of-town guests and family were herded into several photographs, while the remaining guests left or helped with cleaning up the reception. I saw Alexa (the daughter) after the photos, giving her toast to the empty chapel, and her two friends. The moment had passed, and was not recaptured.

In my experience(which is not based on any etiquette books) the toast come shortly after the cake is cut and served, because most people are seated, eating, and therefore not talking, which lends itself to listening. That is when ours occurred, and it was wonderful!

megan said...

i agree. if you wait until the end then alot of people will already be gone. people kind of come and go at receptions.

Matthew said...

As I'm sure you recall, we did "toasts" between the reception dinner and the cake cutting. Not that our version of the tradition actually involved drinks anyway. I was pleased with how it turned out. Oh, and we had an open forum.

BTW, does this mean that since I'm not in the wedding party (which apparently I'm not), and I'm definitely not a parent, so am I excluded from toasting?

Terra said...

no- we plan on having an open format for other family members during the wedding breakfast- although I might make an exception for international travelers ;)

Dad said...

I always agree with you Terra. I always want to be correct and being on your side is always the correct place to be. Rule #1, Terra is always right. Simple concept. Jason should be able to understand the concept. It is pretty basic. If he needs help just have him give me a call.

Matthew said...

I don't like the toasting plan.

The breakfast is supposed to me more casually oriented. Toasting/mini-speaches is too formal for that.

What's wrong with the way we were doing it for the last 3 marraiges? You have the wedding, then a meal, and people get to say what they want during the meal. It works very nicely.

The again, it isn't my wedding, so my vote doesn't count. However, it brings me around to "THE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS". I suggest you treat your wedding like a corporate IPO. Let people purchase the right to influence wedding related decisions. Use the resulting cash for the wedding, and whatever else you want to. Given the multiplicity of opinions, you can get people in bidding wars over these things. You could well raise enough money for the wedding, plus a house, jet skis, and heaven knows what.

I've got my checkbook ready!

megan said...

josh and didn't have any toast and that worked out nicely. we did those note cards so everyone could give us thier advice and that was great. that way you can keep the cards and you don't have to feel weird when people cry. i hate that.

Bonnie said...

Megan, we did a kind of sharing thing at your wedding breakfast, remember, in Washington at the hotel? It was nice and just family. The Harris', Perkins, and Hills. The setting was more formal than Matthew's buffet because we had a private room but I liked it.

P.S. Please tell Jason he needs to get back on his horse and post again.

Terra said...

Last night Jason wrote a nice long post and then when he tried to publish it... the computer froze up and lost all his work! He will try again, I'm sure.