Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Baby Shower

Here is a question.
Should you expect (ask for) a baby shower for your third baby assuming that you have already had children of each sex?

16 comments:

Jonas said...

I say yes. Anyone who has had multiple babies knows how fast you go through everything. If only to collect a couple months worth of diapers. It is a good thing.

Matthew said...

I lean toward no. Generally speaking, you should already have all the equipment you need by the time #3 comes around. Babies can be expensive little tykes, but I've not really heard of baby showers beyond the first arrival.

Bonnie said...

Absolutely not, friends should feel free to bestow gifts upon the new family member but baby showers are for the new mother-to-be. I think even having two is stretching it but perfectly acceptable. Having a party where guests are required to bring gifts to subsidize your childbearing is tacky. By the way I like to give gifts for every child of people I care about, just don't make me go to a goofy shower for those already well initiated into the Pudding Club.

bohica said...

nope no shower after #1 except the kind that get you wet.

Mrs. K said...

Ok

So what if your new in the ward- on Bed rest for a difficult pregnancy, and the sisters of the ward have been helping you with sitting your other children, and you haven’t gotten to go to church that much, and really want to have the opportunity to make friends?

And what if you gave away all your stuff after your first baby to the ward, because you were an unwed mother, and didn’t expect to have any more anytime soon. And when you did get married and pregnant it was a girl, so now this time, when it's a boy, you actually have nothing for him?

And what if your husband has been unemployed for a while and you truly do need the help?

Is it still tacky then, to press your family into hosting a shower for you? Especially when they are planning 2 birthday parties, a baptism, a visit from out of town family and Father's day in the same month?

Melissa said...

I'm a big believer in baby showers, especially if the people you invite have never been to a shower for you previously. I think every baby should be celebrated, not just the first.

On the other hand, expecting a shower and pressuring those around you to throw one for you is just plain tacky, especially if it's because you can't afford the things you need. Your friend should have thought about whether or not their family could afford a baby before they got pregnant, instead of relying on those around them to provide the things they need to said baby.

Maybe someone could drop a hint to someone in the ward. Then she gets the shower she wants, the things she needs, and no one was pressured into doing anything!

megan said...

i think i know the detail here and this is what i think:

if you have one of each there is no way to justify it. unless you say "sorry i was so irrisponisble that i figured i could just keep having parties and get all new stuff for every baby" and even then i would say no.

i don't think a present required party i a good way to get to know the women in the ward. if you want to have a nice get together party then great but i think it is rude to ask them to get her a present when they don't even know her. it is also her fault for getting rid of all her other stuff. you should only do that when you are sure you are NOT having any MORE children.

if help is needed finincially then they should go to the bishop not the church memebers. pluls i thought she wasn't really doing her bed-rest. i also think it is rude to ask someone to give you a shower.

i could keep going but i think i'll stop there.

Anonymous said...

I recently worked with a family in a similar situation. They were expecting baby 5 and barely staying afloat financially. They needed absolutely everything and were within a week of birthday. The local Crisis Pregnancy center was wonderful, providin a crib, bedding stacks of nice clothing, diapers a baby monitor etc. They just need to return it when they finish with it. These wonderful people are happy to help with any unprepared pregancy not just unwed moms. Allow friends to be generous without feeling heavy obligations to provide more than that with which they feel comfortable. (ridiculous sentence structure in an effort to avoid the dreaded dangling participle)
Perhaps a side benefit would be enabling the parents to begin their new friendships on a more even basis instead of one based on dire need. Besides as a formerly unwed mother she may make some great friends at the Crisis Pregnancy Center and become a valuable volunteer counselor to other women in a similar situation. It feels good to be able be a offer something in return, but it is not expected.

Bonnie said...

Sorry, I'd didn't mean to take the anonymous stance, that was me.

Matthew said...

I totally agree with Megan's take. Mary Ann and I were just discussing the same thing last night.

Mom, that's a really interesting service, and it sounds very applicable for this case.

Melissa said...

I like the Crisis Pregnacy Center your mom's described. I'm going to see if they have one here in UT so my sister can donate her old stuff!

Abby said...

Is this perhaps another example of selfishness from these "friends". Tacky!

P.S. I know I sound mean but I have heard one to many stories about these two.

Demanda said...

I don't find it approprate to ask for any parties, if someone wants to throw you a party thats up to them, its rude to ask, first baby or fith.

Mrs. K said...

I told them I was unable to hostess a party for them until mid-July, which would be post-birth. (I was just too busy in June) I offered it as a celebration of the baby. Theyare very insistant that it should be before he is born, and said they would make "other arrangements" because they didn't want to wait that long.

:)

So I got out of it, without them hating me.

Bonnie said...

Incredible! Lucky you. I hope the "other arrangements" isn't Terra.
I think these people use people like Kleenex.

Mrs. K said...

I hope so too