Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Go figure

So Dad broke his foot three weeks ago, and I was faced with the decision of whether or not to continue training for our 50 mile race.

I decided that since I had already put in all that training and Dad had paid the entrance fee (which is not cheap) and that we had decided on this year because the race and training wouldn't interfere with any procreation efforts this year it would be perfect.

I have run two races with out Dad there to pace me on was a 5K, which by the way was my first race ever and the Owl Roost Rumble 1/2 trail marathon. You might remember my post from that race.
I can't pace myself to save my life- that has been proven over and over again. Because I know this weakness in myself and because I am looking at running a 50 mile race, a race that will depend on good pacing I have been REALLY nervous about running.

For those who don't know, I am a home schooled, Scorpio, INTJ, Perkins. All this equals STUBBORN. Which actually helps in running quite a bit.

Anyway, I don't like forfeiting, or losing (I know, I know you're shocked) or coming in last or any of those other things that make up my nightmares, but I have been concerned enough that this morning I asked Jason for a blessing concerning the race.

At about 1p.m. dad called. He set up a time to talk to me (not a good sign if I remember my teen years very well) coupled with that warning signal I could tell he was nervous, which is not normal for my stud muffin of a father.

He wanted to talk to me about the race, and the impressions he has been getting for the past month, impressions he has been trying to casually impress on me, "You know you don't have to do this, right Terra? You know no one will make fun of you if you pull out." to "I don't think it's a good idea to run it by yourself, but it's up to you."

Today he was a bit more to the point that he thinks it's a dangerous idea for me to run it and feels that his guardian angel must have stomped on his foot to break it to avoid a more undesirable outcome. (Mine apparently has given up trying to make sure I don't hurt myself)

I find this interesting because my blessing left the decision up to me (what did I expect? A nice "yes" or "no"?) but also went on for a while about listening to my body and not trying to go farther then I am able....I got the distinct impression that like Dad, God wanted to say "NO! Are you crazy?!" but is trying to let me be all grown up and decide on my own.

I guess they figure that sooner or later I have to hit on the right decision if you look at the odds so far.


Mrs. K said...

it sounds to me, like you already know what the right desision is. That you are getting impressions all your own, and that you are choosing to ignore them. :)

John said...

I like your blog, very inspiring. 50 miles? Wow.

I agree with Shellie, it sounds like you already made up your mind on this one.

Jonas said...

Why don't you go set up with your camera on the course? You could take a bike to get around. That way you get to be part of the race without trying to finnish it.

Matthew said...

Why not keep going with the race, but stop if you think you need to? That fits nicely with all grown up, decision making, body-listening impression...

megan said...

unless someone drags her off the course terra wont stop once she starts

Terra said...

David: they don't allow bikes on the course.

Matt: Megan's right.

Megan: Your right.

katperkins said...

Well I think you should do it. I mean, you've supposedly been training which to me would be total waste of time if you didn't go through with it now. I think you're just getting nervous. You also need to consider that Dad is pretty old. Osteoporosis is probably setting in which might have contributed to his stress fracture. And what the hell does INTJ mean? I think it's also interesting that you you attribute part of your stubbornness to being home schooled. I think I'm more stubborn b/c of my Humanities teachers in high school. Michael Mull and I mostly credit home school with the fact that we can make homemade mayonnaise and rock candy.

Bonnie said...

I think my opinion on this subject has been heard enough. But bottom line may be to ask yourself, "What is the worst that can happen?" "Can I afford to deal with those consequences?" Maybe that will help clarify your thoughts.
P.S. Katie, that hurts. I wish I could give you back those wasted years, but they are too precious to me.

katperkins said...

The mayonnaise was good I liked it. Sorry I hurt your feelings, but I think I've made you aware before that I didn't enjoy homeschool. I didn't have any friends for years b/c there were few kids my age. The ones I tried to be friendly with all wanted to hang out with Megan. I still have problems making friends.

Bonnie said...

So do lots of kids who attend public school. But thanks, I'll get over it.

Josh said...

what exactly is FORCING you to keep going even though you're in pain and KNOW you SHOULD stop? i understand the desire to finish the race, and i'd say the odds are quite good that you would finish. i understand your dad's concern. he's worried about you. that's his job. but at your age a parental directive is far from binding or even invoking guilt. he broke his foot, but his life isn't changed in any major way (other than that he can't run this race which is a bummer). 6 weeks and bone heals. i'm surprised that a 6-week infirmity is enough to dissuade you. is your heart going to explode? is your brain going to melt? at mile 30, if your knees give out and you can't stand up, i'd say you'll stop and probably visit a hospital. but, haven't you always known that not finishing was a possibility? and isn't not finishing better than not starting? i'm not trying to convince you to do it, but to convince you that YOU'RE in charge of when you stop. it seems the issue is you don't really trust yourself because of the month you were born or what some test told you your personality profile was or how you were conditioned as a kid. you're not determined by any of those factors. you're determined by the choices you make. you have the ability to run wisely. just because you usually don't doesn't mean you can't. ;)