Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The idea of intraveinous anti depressents is an attractive one right now.

The last decade or so I've struggled with what my Dr. calls "situational depression" which is brought on by high levels of stress...which I have in droves. I am also getting more and more high strung as I get older- aren't I supposed to mellow with age?

One of the more effective ways I manage my stress/depression is regular running. Lately I've been more stressed than my body can handle in milage. I went last night and emotionally I could have gone probably twice as long as my leg could take me.

I've taken up figure drawing again which has helped by increasing the positive activities in my life- I think I haven't embarassed myself in class anyway.

I've been doing some with photography again- it's not really the direction I am interested in but at least it keep skills sharp.

I just feel over stimulated and overwhelmed. I just feel that it would be great to have something to take the edge off how raw I feel and be able to be compeletly alone with out the questions, explainations, expectations, or stimulation of other people.

Of course then I would miss out on stuff like this:
( i was giong to put a cute slide show here that featured cute momments I've had with my nieces and family- but the slideshow generator refuses to cooporate)

2 comments:

Matthew said...

Sorry you are having such difficulties. Perhaps some time at a spa?

G said...

Hi again,
Sometimes, "LIFE", and all of our responsibilities simply don’t allow us to drop everything and go hide out. Wow, wouldn’t it be nice if we could?
Something that really assisted me thru my depression, (divorce of 17 years), or passage, was compartmentalizing my daily responsibilities and making a schedule. Once I had that done, I forced myself to stick with it. At first I kept it really simple, I would literally just do what absolutely had to be done.
Then as time went on, and I still wasn’t my old self but I was being functional at one thing a day and I could look back and see progress, I kicked it up a notch and a little later more, and then more. I’m at the point where I can clearly see I am succeeding and accomplishing and starting to feel a bit of my old Mojo coming back, but it’s hard and I still have a ways to go.
It’s really important that we not only allow ourselves to heal but give ourselves the permission and the time needed to heal. We could run away, cover it up and not deal with it but you know that won’t work; however if we can slow the world down or slow our world down to a workable speed for these critical healing times for ourselves, we typically can make the passage and be stronger, fuller and truer to ourselves and those around us.
You’ve have mentioned running a lot, you know you just don’t start out expecting to run 100 miles your first time out, not even 25 miles. We have to work up slowly and gain balance, stamina and inner core strength. That’s the physical aspect, when we get slammed real hard and our heart has been hurt, it needs tender care too to get back and build back up.
For me to tell you I understand your hurt or your pain would be an out and out lie. Only you know how deeply you are hurting right now and you need to schedule your healing time appropriately and sensitively enough for you to grow through this passage you are presently in.
In an earlier comment I mentioned you have to be your own, very best friend. Please be that, be aware and feel the love and caring you have and so readily share with others but are stingy with yourself; take that and give it to you for this short time while dealing with your life around you in small nibbles and then bigger ones and then bigger ones yet. So if I may… feed yourself some of your very own love cookies.
We all know this one… none of us, can eat the elephant all at once.

I truly wish you well.
/Gary