The other night Jason and I were discussing his blog and the comments generated on his post about “Daddy’s Girls”.
While he maintains that it doesn’t bother him (despite the fact he has asked me why I can’t just take his word on issues) when I call Dad and ask his opinion he also thinks that the following scenario is unacceptable.
Girl’s car breaks: She calls her father who is a mechanic, and asks for his advice. She did not let her significant other “have a go at” first because he doesn’t know anything about cars and they both know it.
Jason says that she should give the guy a chance to see if he can work it out or learn how to do it himself. A chance to solve the problem.
I say that if we know the significant other doesn’t know anything about the issue and the father does then, she should call the father (this goes for both the sides of the couple).
I asked Shellie what she thought and she agreed with Jason.
I asked Simon what he thought and he agreed with Jason- although upon closer questioning it became clear that his opinion has been “corrected” by Shellie.
Jason gave an example of a person who called in who is a Dr. in the area but his wife will call her father who is a Physical Therapy Assistant for all things medical.
I still think it’s stupid not to call the person with the information you need and instead wait around forever while someone who doesn’t know what they are doing messes around.
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9 comments:
Okay that was A nice long post about being sensative to other peoples feelings. However if you read the first paragraph or two of terra's post you see that they "both know that the other person does not know what they are doing". Terra was not assuming that he didn't know. They both recognized the lack of inexperience that "other person" had in the area. This does not mean "the other person" is any less capable of other amazing feats. You can't be superman at everything. If it is that upseting to the "other person" let them take note. If they are dissapointed by all means become an expert in the area. They will soon have countless friends, relatives and everyone else hounding them for their expert adivse. If I know someone can be of help to me in a time of need the last thing that I want to worry about who may be offended that I did not consult them first. Lets all take a deep breath and be adults. It should not be taken as an insult if it is already understood that it is not "that persons" forte. "Feelings nothing more than feelings"..........
Question?
Do men have PMS?
Just kidding!!
Laugh! This whole situation is hilarious.
Excuse my novice. That last post was from terra's irritating sister Abby :)
I think the decision should be made based on who has the skills in that area. There isn't anything wrong with consulting someone else in a subject that the spouse doesn't have expertise in. It isn't any kind of failure on their part, its just something they don't happen to know how to do. For example, if Terra wanted to know something about ASL grammar, how to write software, or German spelling, should she call me, or take Jason's "word" for it?
If that spouse WANTS to learn how to do the thing, then giving them a shot at it sounds fine, unless there is a reasonable chance they will make the situation worse.
Bottom line, appealing to an expert doesn't reflect negatively on the spouse. Jason's example with the Dr. is somewhat different. In that case, the spouse was an expert, and the wife was consulting someone with less expertise. That is just silly, and shows that there are some family issues going on. I fully agree in that case. Likewise, if Terra wanted to know something about CPR, or firefighting, calling me would be quite pointless.
So, I say go with the expert in the field, unless the spouse wants to become an expert, in which case, you should be supportive of those desires.
Frankly, I don't think any of these issues are the real problem. I'm getting the feeling that Jason is feeling a bit defensive and undervalued. Hence, the desire for her to "take his word for it". I don't want to engage in long-distance psycho-babble, but I think this issue would go away if Jason felt that Terra generally had confidence in him and trust in his skills. Then, Terra seeking ouside information in certain cases wouldn't be so big of an issue.
Further, we live in the finromation age, everyone should be able to back up their opinions with fact. Normal, healthy people don't expect others to blithely accept their opinions because asking questions would hurt their feelings.
I agree with Shellie on the building eachother up, and I agree with Abby on her general point.
I would like to add that I think the relationship dynamic here is too complex to give any kind of specific advice. There are a lot of potential issues with the way feedback is given, how you should support the other person, what the other person is feeling, etc. etc.
So, I really couldn't say what Terra or Jason should do without waaaaay more information.
I agree totally that you should always respect eachothers feelings in a relationship. I never said anything to the contrary.I can see that this has struck a sour note with some people. As much as we all know and love Jason he is famous for being quite sensative. This is in many ways one of his finest qualities.I think matt is right and there are other issues going on. In reply to Shellie I think that thinking of other peoples feelings applies to more than just your spouse/boyfreind. But I am glad that I don't have to worry about this my own relationship. I have been dating the same guy for three years and this kind of problem has never occured with us. He appreciates not being shouldered with all of the problems that arise in my life. I know that everyone has a differnt kind of dynamic in their relationships but I remain firm on my opinion that it is rather silly to be so bothered by something like this when there are many more important issues to focus on.
P.S. Mom just so you know we girls believe dad knows everything:) don't burst our bubble!!!!
Well, Terra, I would contribute that clearly this is a case where reasonable people can disagree.
wow! I didn't even realize that duh was recognized as a real word anymore. What I have noticed from some of the blog posts is that people are airing things that should be kept private. Terra I love you but enough of the I said this and doesn't everyone agree comments. The few times I look at these blogs there is some type of disagreement about who did what right and who did what wrong. I am sure that Jason is enjoying the fact that we are all discussing your private business online. There are some things to be worked out between the two of you, with no outside help or input. I hope everything works our for you two. I will leave everyone to their analysis. I have learned my lesson. From now on I will observe and not advise. Can't wait to see you all at the wedding!
God bless me
Abby
hehe. i miss abby:) she has always been much better at expressing herself than i am. on another note. i think it would eliminate quite a few arguments if people would read there own comments before they post them and ask themselves one question. does this make sense and apply to the post and other comments?
hehe. i miss abby:) she has always been much better at expressing herself than i am. on another note. i think it would eliminate quite a few arguments if people would read there own comments before they post them and ask themselves one question. does this make sense and apply to the post and other comments?
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